Now that another Halloween has come
and gone, I suppose I get to once AGAIN experience the joy of watching department store
chains air their annual sheep-herding ads about Black Friday. This phenomenon
still ranks high on my list of the top ten BANES OF MY EXISTENCE. People still
can’t seem to fathom why this bothers me so much. Let me explain.
Look!!! Sometimes on the final
Friday of November I just like to go to the store, okay. NOT TO CHRISTMAS SHOP.
Just to pick up something for the house. Maybe I need a case of Pepsi, or I might
be out of dish soap. Perhaps my hemorrhoids have really been flaring up and I’m
in need of another tube of Preparation H.
Whatever the case may be, I’m there
to get just ONE THING. On most normal days of the year I could be in and out of
there in five minutes flat. Not so on Black Friday. I’d rather not have to deal
with the drama of wading through a heard of about 600 rabid cattle that have
been camping out in the parking lot for the last three days to save 10 percent
on a flat screen TV that just had a 75 percent INCREASE on its regular price
two days earlier.
“Ooh, look at me. I was among the
first hundred and seventy people in Corona, CA to get the IPhone 12, and the
best part is I saved $10 bucks because I bought it on Black Friday. Now, I did
miss two days of work, in the process … AND I contracted pneumonia from sleeping
out on the sidewalk … AND I think my ex sneaked into my house and boiled my
hamster while I was away … BUT … it is an IPhone 12,
after all. So, it was well worth it. “
People complain CONSTANTLY that our
politicians are dumb. They bitch and moan that the government doesn’t know how
to run the country. “They can’t balance the budget, they can’t take care of our
elderly, they don’t want to get healthcare to our veterans,” yadda yadda yadda,
boo hoo boo hoo!
Such inconsistent and hypocritical bullshit. As usual, MY CONTEMPT KNOWS NO BOUNDS.
Are we civilians really that much smarter? This is not my idea of intelligent and “enlightened” behavior. This is actually the kind of behavior I’d expect from third-generation clones of Beavis & Butthead after they’d both just been given a frontal lobotomy.
Such inconsistent and hypocritical bullshit. As usual, MY CONTEMPT KNOWS NO BOUNDS.
Are we civilians really that much smarter? This is not my idea of intelligent and “enlightened” behavior. This is actually the kind of behavior I’d expect from third-generation clones of Beavis & Butthead after they’d both just been given a frontal lobotomy.
Not very bright, my friends. The
more I think about it, the more EMBARRASSED I get.
Let me tell you something else. I
actually have some friends that have been given IQ tests, and they were ranked
in the mildly-retarded range on the scale. Yet, even THEY have enough sense to
find something more productive to do with their time on the first day after
Thanksgiving. Like cleaning the dog shit out of the crevices on the soles of
their tennis shoes, with the tip of a pencil. I have to agree that is a much
more intelligent past-time. It’s also a lot more FUN.
On that happy note, Merry Christmas,
ya bunch of heathens … or whatever other fucking superstitious bullshit
business holiday you fucking celebrate each year when it starts to get cold
outside. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna get back to binging on Game of Thrones.
