Tuesday, November 3rd, 2015, 7:35pm: The Black Friday Zombie Apocalypse

Now that another Halloween has come and gone, I suppose I get to once AGAIN experience the joy of watching department store chains air their annual sheep-herding ads about Black Friday. This phenomenon still ranks high on my list of the top ten BANES OF MY EXISTENCE. People still can’t seem to fathom why this bothers me so much. Let me explain.

Look!!! Sometimes on the final Friday of November I just like to go to the store, okay. NOT TO CHRISTMAS SHOP. Just to pick up something for the house. Maybe I need a case of Pepsi, or I might be out of dish soap. Perhaps my hemorrhoids have really been flaring up and I’m in need of another tube of Preparation H.

Whatever the case may be, I’m there to get just ONE THING. On most normal days of the year I could be in and out of there in five minutes flat. Not so on Black Friday. I’d rather not have to deal with the drama of wading through a heard of about 600 rabid cattle that have been camping out in the parking lot for the last three days to save 10 percent on a flat screen TV that just had a 75 percent INCREASE on its regular price two days earlier.

“Ooh, look at me. I was among the first hundred and seventy people in Corona, CA to get the IPhone 12, and the best part is I saved $10 bucks because I bought it on Black Friday. Now, I did miss two days of work, in the process … AND I contracted pneumonia from sleeping out on the sidewalk … AND I think my ex sneaked into my house and boiled my hamster while I was away … BUT … it is an IPhone 12, after all. So, it was well worth it. “

People complain CONSTANTLY that our politicians are dumb. They bitch and moan that the government doesn’t know how to run the country. “They can’t balance the budget, they can’t take care of our elderly, they don’t want to get healthcare to our veterans,” yadda yadda yadda, boo hoo boo hoo!

               Such inconsistent and hypocritical bullshit. As usual, MY CONTEMPT KNOWS NO BOUNDS.

               Are we civilians really that much smarter? This is not my idea of intelligent and “enlightened” behavior. This is actually the kind of behavior I’d expect from third-generation clones of Beavis & Butthead after they’d both just been given a frontal lobotomy.

Not very bright, my friends. The more I think about it, the more EMBARRASSED I get.

Let me tell you something else. I actually have some friends that have been given IQ tests, and they were ranked in the mildly-retarded range on the scale. Yet, even THEY have enough sense to find something more productive to do with their time on the first day after Thanksgiving. Like cleaning the dog shit out of the crevices on the soles of their tennis shoes, with the tip of a pencil. I have to agree that is a much more intelligent past-time. It’s also a lot more FUN.

On that happy note, Merry Christmas, ya bunch of heathens … or whatever other fucking superstitious bullshit business holiday you fucking celebrate each year when it starts to get cold outside. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna get back to binging on Game of Thrones. 

Museum of Ancient Social History. To Your RIGHT: The Kim Davis Exhibit.

CNN: Kentucky-Clerk-Same-Sex-Marriage-Kim-Davis/

“Today, for the first time in history, an American citizen has been incarcerated for having the belief of conscience that marriage is between one man and one woman,” Roger Gannam, Lawyer for Kim Davis

"I think it's absurd to put someone in jail for exercising their religious liberty," Sen.  Rand Paul

“Today, judicial lawlessness crossed into judicial tyranny. Today, for the first time ever, the government arrested a Christian woman for living according to her faith. This is wrong. This is not America.” – Sen. Ted Cruz

     Okay, these people are DIPSHITS. This is not an issue of someone being “jailed for their religious beliefs.” This is not “religious persecution“ and it sure as SHIT is not the “first time in history,” yada yada yada.

     In fact, it is not a first ANYTHING. Stop saying it, please. STOP PLAYING THE “CHRISTIAN CARD.” It’s bullshit. You know you are full of shit. WE know you are full of shit, and YOU know that WE know you are full of shit. So, QUIT TALKING TO US LIKE WE ARE STUPID. You have your own constituency. Talk to them like THEY are stupid ... because they ARE. They voted for you, didn’t they?

     What this IS, is just another case of a person that got busted for BREAKING THE LAW. Plain and simple. It’s no different from somebody that got ticketed for speeding, or arrested for shoplifting, or put behind bars for aggravated assault.

     This woman was given a COURT ORDER, and she ignored it. So, she is in CONTEMPT of court. She’s been breaking the law for some months now. It just finally caught up with her. In a sense, she’s been A FUGITIVE FROM JUSTICE. She was breaking the law from the first moment that she turned those two young men away, back in June, and she’s done it multiple times since. The moment the Supreme Court dropped the gavel, same-sex marriage became valid nationwide, and as an elected GOVERNMENT official for the county, Kim Davis took an oath to honor and abide by the law. No one is telling her not to be a Christian. No one is keeping her out of Church. She is more than welcome to continue believing in her own outdated, and extinct superstitious garbage. As an official of the COURT, however, she needs to keep those beliefs out of the work place, and continue to perform the duties that she is PAID TO DO. If she wasn’t comfortable doing that, then she was more than welcome to resign. She chose to do neither. It’s a textbook case of “I’ve got my cake, and I’M GONNA EAT IT TOO.”

     IT DOESN’T FUCKING WORK THAT WAY.

     Imagine if I was driving one day and I suddenly thought to myself, “You know, I don’t like the color red. In fact, I find it extremely OFFENSIVE. Not only that. It’s against my religion to even LOOK at the color red, or acknowledge it in any way shape or form. So, I’m not going to wait at stop signs any more … because they are RED. Nor will I stop at red traffic lights. I’ll just keep driving. Because I have a right to stand by my religious convictions, and no court anywhere is allowed to take that from me.  The word of “God of the COLOR GREEN” supersedes traffic laws and as far as I’m concerned all lights are green ALL THE TIME.”

     How long do you think that would last? First of all, I’d obviously be putting hundreds of lives at risk, not to mention my own. Next, how long do you think I could get away with that before the CHP put out spike strips on the freeway, and then dragged my goofy ass out of the car and started pounding my brains into pulp with their clubs?

     And assuming I even lived long enough to make it to trial, how long do you think my “religious persecution” argument would stand up? Not long. They’d laugh me out of the damn courthouse and throw me in the BOOBY HATCH. I’d be declared LEGALLY INSANE, and rightfully so.

     Furthermore, it’s not like Kim Davis would have any trouble finding another job. She’s got enough work experience and seniority to where if she suddenly resigned from the clerk’s office then she could probably quickly find something else that pays just as much if not MORE. Not to mention she’s got a lot of supporters. Some misguided ally is bound to throw her a bone. Hell, I’m from Kentucky too. Some religious nut job distant relative of mine might even be the one to give her employment.

     But then again, she wouldn’t be able to use her GOVERNMENT JOB and GOVERNMENT OFFICE as a forum to spew out her religious objections to the decision of the United States Supreme Court. That is UNACCEPTABLE, and it REEKS of the worst and most vile form of corruption.

     Now, Kim Davis, I’m talking directly to YOU. I seem to recall reading somewhere about somebody saying “Render unto Caesar the things that are Caeser’s.” In other words, it’s not YOUR law. It’s the law of the country in which you live. You don’t have to like it. In fact, you can HATE IT as much as you want. You can complain about it to people you are doing it for, WHILE YOU ARE DOING IT. The bottom line is, you STILL DO IT. Why? Because that’s your FUCKING JOB. That’s why you were ELECTED, and it’s why taxpayers are PAYING YOU.

     There is a time and a place to complain and piss and moan about it. That is in Church. Or, you can go home and gripe about it to your soon to be FOURTH ex-husband (or fifth, or sixth, or whatever the fuck, I’ve lost track). Reason I assume he’s going to be your fourth ex is because you are currently sitting in jail, and he’s a guy. Guys have needs. He’s not gonna be able to stay dry for long. You never know. He may step out with the UPS Man. Then won’t you look the fool?

     What will you do then? Pray about it, I suppose. More power to you. Good luck with that. 

I Don't Exist - The Random Rants of Franklin James Phillips: Happy Birth...

Bridge to Nowhere: Anger and the Laws of Physics

Well, it's not ever day that I get told that I need to "get a fucking job." Actually, to be perfectly frank, I'VE NEVER BEEN TOLD THAT.

Is it petty to respond harshly to someone who treats you harshly when they know nothing about you? Perhaps I'm missing something.

There's a certain sub-human that works locally. Obviously I can't name this guy, because as I'm sure most of you know, laws are in place to protect such scumbags, and if I name-drop I could get sued for libel and slander.

Forget about the fact this certain dirt-bag who must remain nameless judged and slandered ME without knowing ANYTHING ABOUT ME. That is of course irrelevant.

What's important is that I am being "PETTY" because I am giving him satisfaction. What matters is how I responded. Obviously I am just as bad as he is, because I allowed him to get under my skin.

I suppose it wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't been so quick to REACT. So quick to prove that I am no better, or worse than he is. This guy commented on something I had posted in the "thespian lovers" group, and lets just say it wasn't exactly complimentary. Not only was it not complimentary, but it was completely IGNORANT and without merit. Worse even. It was condescending. IT WAS VULGAR. I was so livid that I was TWITCHING.

I've got a job, okay? In fact I have SEVERAL. It's just that the cumulative incomes of all of them don't amount to enough to where I can keep up with certain things without occasional assistance from friends, and loved ones, but I ALWAYS PAY EVERYONE BACK. I AM taking steps to correct that problem.

Why would I be making hundred mile round trips to LA if that wasn't the case?

Ignorance, consistency and hypocrisy are going to be the three colors of kryptonite that destroy me in this business. I do NOT respond well to them. The aforementioned party that passed judgement on me today is far from perfect. In fact he is the POLAR OPPOSITE of perfection, and I guarantee you he knows that better than anybody else. So, rather than make efforts to correct the faults (like I do) he SLINGS MUD on people that have DONE NOTHING TO HIM.

I've heard NOTHING but horror stories about this person. I had long since promised myself that I would NEVER work with him based solely on the incidents I had heard of from multiple sources of his ill-treatment of certain people in the artistic community that I've come to respect, admire, and even love. I was very fortunate in that he had never crossed me personally.

Today that changed. It will NEVER cease to fascinate me how quickly just a few simple words from a person worth less than sewer vermin can tear to shreds years of confidence in one's hard-work, and their network of accolades. The irony is I just saw this dude in a show, and even though I knew what kind of douche bag he is I STILL had favorable things to say about his work. I was willing to walk a mile in his shoes, and STILL give him the benefit of the doubt.

NEVER AGAIN. This prick JUDGED me without DOING ANY RESEARCH. He KNOWS NOTHING, and will CONTINUE TO KNOW NOTHING. He is DUST. He is AIR. He is ANTIMATTER.

I was infuriated, and still am, but now I'm more embarrassed than anything else. Is that fair to me? I don't think so. This person pushed my buttons and I responded accordingly. They've managed to prove that I am on the same level as them. The very idea makes me want to VOMIT. Especially given that it's probably true.

I've been told that "he who is hurting OWNS the problem." Sometimes it's true. In this instance it's not. This guy ROBBED me of my day, and I am BEYOND livid that I am not being allowed to even RANT to my closest friends about it. How dare you?

This is why artists become hateful. This is why people get arrogant. It doesn't just materialize out of thin air. We have to get PROVOKED. There is only so much bullshit I'm going to listen to before I bite back. Today I bit back. Basic law of physics: For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

I love my friends. That is never going to change. And why is that? Because my friends love me, that's why. Simple common courtesy. It's a pisser that certain third-grade dropouts never pick that up. I guess common sense isn't something you can be taught. It's either there, or its not.

I may be NUTS. I may have a short-fuse, and I realize that I act obnoxious, abrasive and spoiled most of the time. This person that crossed me today is all of those things and more, but I have one talent that he lacks. It's common sense. You don't BITE the hand that feeds you. I once paid hard earned money to see HIM perform. True, it was mostly by default, because I was really there to see my friends who were also in the cast, but the bottom line is I coughed up hard-earned dough to watch a play that had HIS name in the program. So, I paid for HIS show. Whether he got paid to do the part or not is immaterial. Now, I ask for help, and this miserable pile of FILTH is telling me to "GET A JOB?" He needs to GET A SOUL.

He can go STRAIGHT TO HELL.

OPEN LETTER TO THE ARTISTIC HATER OF ART!!!

Here we go again. We've all heard the adage that opinions are like assholes. We all know that joke. I GET IT. Opinions are fine. I don't mind discussing things with somebody and sharing and exchanging ideas as to why something might or might not have worked with a specific art form, or with a specific piece of theatre. All I ask is that you please KNOW what the hell you are talking about. Be familiar with the material for the love of CHRIST. Perhaps you could actually, oh, I don't know … SEE THE SHOW THAT YOU ARE HATING ON? If you ask me to describe something I've done, don't roll your eyes, scoff, and nay-say when I begin to do so. It's annoying as hell, because I know you wouldn't have that opinion if you'd actually seen the damn thing yourself. You too are an artist, damn it. You also work in the theatre. You too are SUPPOSED to be IMAGINATIVE. Don't dismiss something that you've not seen. Don't tell me "Oh, well, I just KNOW THE SHOW, that's all. I've seen other productions." This is horseshit on so many levels. Okay, you've seen many different versions in various theatres. I get that. Good for you. That's not always necessarily the same as actually being IN THE SHOW. That's not the same as actually READING, and possibly MEMORIZING part of the script, and I happen to know for a fact that you've NEVER BEEN IN THIS SHOW.

How do I know that to be true? First: because you told me in the past. Second, because you are telling me there are specific things said within the context of the script that refer to specific dates and times, which would make placing the story in a different time period not work. I happen to know for a FACT that that is not the case. Things are mentioned in the PAST-TENSE, but no YEAR is ever mentioned. Not even a month for that matter. Maybe it's in the original stage-directions. Maybe it's mentioned within the author-notes of the original playwright, but the AUDIENCE DOESN'T SEE THAT. Yeah, I was just IN THE SHOW, that's all. I've read the script cover to cover probably about sixty times, been in rehearsals with the rest of the cast, watched and listened to them SAY THE LINES OVER AND OVER, and then I did several (gasp) PERFORMANCES of the show where I HEARD THE SAME LINES OVER AND OVER, so UM ... yeah, I probably know what I'm talking about. I just MIGHT be a little bit more familiar with the play than you are. Sorry, but it's a fact. Imagine that. If you saw the show, and you hated it, fine. I'm all ears as to why you didn't care for it. We'll have a nice drink over it, and call it a day, but if you didn't actually see it, I'm not interested. And don't tell me what you "heard," either. I'm not interested in what you heard. It's the telephone game. He said she said. Got no use for it. If you weren't in that audience, then your opinion means NOTHING. IT DOESN'T EXIST. All you have is a theory, and a theory doesn't affect the price of oil.

FIN!!!

JANUARY 4TH, 2015: "Happy" New Year, Indeed >:(

I just love how sometimes when you see some people that you work with making a scene, something that is getting out of hand, something that is becoming a spectacle, and is making everyone in the room uncomfortable, when you step in and try to defuse the situation, YOU suddenly become the person to get abused, targeted and humiliated for it. People gang up on YOU and attack YOU, and turn YOU into a scapegoat. They blatantly, and deliberately say things to embarrass, undervalue, and objectify your own emotions, and opinions. Then when you attempt to retreat from the situation, you are made to feel like even LESS of a human being. You are told to "get over it," or "SUCK IT UP." Oh, really?

So, I should "SUCK IT UP," eh? You mean like the rest of you idiots were "sucking it up" moments ago when you were taking part in your public pissing contest?

It will never cease to amuse me how often I get treated like I'm about nine years old by people who think they are "more advanced" socially than I am, and that they continually need to "correct that spoiled little shit." Oh, "Yeah, Travis is talented, but sometimes he has tamper-tantrums, and you need to 'put him in his place.'" Great, so it's okay for you fuck-nuts to bust heads and lock horns, but when I do it, I'm immature, and I'm petty. Is that it? Well, here is an "adult response" for all of you:

FUCK YOU!!! Each and every one of you can BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASSES. Even a mental vegetable could see that I have a better sense of reality than any of the rest of you put together. 

They say "no good deed goes unpunished," and this adage more than fits the situation I was in last night. I guess I should have seen it coming. Now that my best friend in the company has been summarily kicked to the curb, these vultures need another person to push around. Might as well be me, right?

I totally get why certain members of the theatre are routinely quiet now. Maybe it's time I learned from their example. Maybe I shouldn't even express my opinions at all. Why should I? It's just a business after all. From now on I'm keeping my stupid trap SHUT. The next time I see a situation start to flare up I won't say anything. I'll just stand there and watch the building "burn to the FUCKING GROUND," so to speak. It's going to give me a great deal of satisfaction later when those same people that have been giving me shit come back and ask me "Travis, why didn't do something? You were standing right there." and I can say back to them "Because I've warned you people numerous times in the past about your behavior, and you thanked me for it by chewing my head off. Well, never again. This is your bed of roses. You made it. You sleep in it, and enjoy those THORNS while your at it."